I Hope You Find It
by StormOfImagination
Summary: Emily's last thoughts as she leaves the BAU for the last time, leaving for a different job in a different country.


**AN: I needed a break from my long story, so... this is my brain-clearer. I based it on the Miley Cyrus Song "I Hope You Find It" from The Last Song. I don't own the song, Criminal Minds, or The Last Song.**

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"_**I guess by now I should know enough about loss to realize that you never really stop missing someone- you just learn to live around the huge gaping hole of their absence."~ Alyson Noel, Evermore**_  
~He had a girlfriend.~ Emily kept reminding herself. ~Beth loved Jack and was good with him, and was good for Hotch.~  
But it hurt just thinking about leaving him. It had been her decision to leave the BAU for INTERPOL, and no matter how much she denied it to herself, it was her way of coping with the fact that Aaron had slipped away from her. When the idea first came to her, she thought it would make it easier on her and that as soon as she started to drive away it would feel right and she would know she was making the right decision.  
But at JJ's wedding, when she danced with each member of the team and said her goodbyes, she realized just how selfishly she had been thinking- Sure, it might be easier for her to leave them all in the past, but it was hurting them to lose her again, even if they knew where she was.  
She recalled Morgan's hurt face and barely suppressed a wince. She had been so lucky with him- he had every right after her return to hate her and push her away, but instead, he was one of the first to welcome her back with open arms. And now to repay him, she had turned right around and decided to leave again.  
All of the sudden, something came slipping through the radio static, and Emily turned it up to hear over the rain, something about it making her want to listen.  
~_These clouds ain't goin' nowhere, baby. Rain keeps coming down~_  
_~ I just thought I'd try to call you baby, for you've gone too far out of town~_  
_~And I hope that you get this message that I'm leaving for you~_  
_~Cause I hate that you left without hearing the words that I needed you to~_  
_~And I hope you find it, what you're looking for~_  
_~And I hope it's everything you dreamed your life would be, and so much more~_  
_~And I hope you're happy, wherever you are~_  
_~I wanted you to know that, and nothing's gonna change that~_  
_~And I hope you find it~_  
_~Am I supposed to hang around and wait forever~_  
_~Last words that I said~_  
_~But that was nothing but a broken heart talking baby~_  
_~You know that wasn't what I meant~_  
_~Call me up, let me know that you got this message I'm leaving for you~_  
_~Cause I hate that you left without hearing the words that I needed you to~_  
_~And I hope you find it, what you're looking for~_  
_~And I hope it's everything you dreamed your life would be, and so much more~_  
_~And I hope you're happy, wherever you are~_  
_~I wanted you to know that, and nothing's gonna change that~_  
_~And I hope you find it~_  
_~Whatever it is out there that you miss here~_  
_~And I hope you find it, what you're looking for~_  
_~And I hope it's everything you dreamed your life would be, and so much more~_  
_~And I hope you're happy, wherever you are~_  
_~I wanted you to know that, and nothing's gonna change that~_  
_~And I hope you find it~_  
_~And I hope you find it~_  
_~I hope you find it.~_

Emily didn't register she was crying until the song slipped back into static and it was silent again. Leaving the team had been hard, but she wasn't an emotional person, usually. But for the first time in quite a few years, Emily Prentiss, the hardened INTERPOL spy and FBI profiler, found herself pulling to the side of the road and sobbing.  
It was dumb, to be crying over someone who would never cry over her- but the one person, above all the emotions she was releasing after a long time, who was on her mind, was the one person who would probably never miss her like she missed him, was Aaron Hotchner.  
She remembered every dumb little detail she memorized about him- the way his forehead wrinkled when he read over a case file, the rare little smiles he would give, his stern face even when joking, his rare laugh. She knew every inch of his face from years of working next to him and pushing her feelings aside-  
But she knew he had someone else now, someone who doesn't know him like she does. Despite her head telling her it was stupid and irresponsible and immature and angsty, she wanted so desperately to let her heart take control and call Aaron, tell him what had been going through her head and through her heart for so long.  
Emily glanced at her car clock- 8:30. Hotch was probably putting Jack to bed, settling down to watch a movie with Beth or something once Jack was asleep. She sighed, letting her shoulders slump. The only thing she could do was wait, and try to ignore that tiny side of her brain that was futilely hoping that maybe, someday, he would leave Beth and call her, beg her to come back to Quantico.  
She shook her head clear and pulled back onto the highway, making the decision to stop for the night, clear her head and start driving again in the morning. She drove for a few miles before pulling into a little roadside motel, grabbing her go-bag out of her trunk and reserving a room.  
Settling in, she couldn't help but remember the case a few years ago. Couples, kidnapped and murdered in a custom set-up motel room. She and Aaron had joked for weeks to come on cases about 'not staying in motels without checking the room first.' Even now, she couldn't restrain the smallest hint of a smile playing across her lips. That had been before Beth came along, when she and Aaron were still so close.  
She collapsed on the bed, pulling the thin hotel comforter over her, grateful for the heat that almost instantly started bearing her to peaceful sleep. Her last coherent thought before she passed out was to stop and whisper-  
"I hope you find it, Aaron."


End file.
